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New MST Star Wars/Superboy
terrofen
 Superboy: A Jedi Reborn

Caroline: Is it sad that I can tell how bad this will be just by the title alone?

By Stefen Gustav Hagglund

LJ: Let no-one say we don't give credit where it is due. 
It all happened one day when Superboy was taking a vacation in Hawaii, when all of a sudden, a strange portal opened up above him and out stepped a man in his early forties wearing a black outfit with a black hood on the top of the outfit, along with a strange looking weapon clipped to his belt, and Kon-el, Superboy's new Kryptonian name, was surprised even more when the man levitated to the ground.

LJ: For the record? This is one. Giant. Paragraph. I broke it up because I am le awesome.

Caroline: *golf claps*

LJ: I am having a hard time imagining the outfit that guy-who-is-going-to-be-Luke-Skywalker is wearing.

Also if Kon just got his kryptonian name, then he'd be living in Hawaii, not vacationing there. 

But, that was when the man spoke, saying "My name is Luke Skywalker, and I believe I may be trapped here in time, I need to get back to my time as fast as I can, the future depends on it, billions of people, human and alien depend on my getting back."

Caroline: Doesn't Star Wars take place in the past? Y'know, like the first line in every movie? "A LONG TIME AGO-"

"Hello, my name is Kon-el, but the people in this time period call me Superboy." "Ah, then you are a relative of Superman?" "Yeah, I guess you could say that. How do you know of Superman?" "I was here once before, many years ago, twenty years ago to be exact."

Caroline: OH MY GOD. PARAGRAPHS. There are no paragraphs. This is so awkward!

LJ: Also, didn't he just tell his name to his friends? I'm pretty sure getting a name from Superman was pretty important for him. 

"I wasn't around then, as a matter of fact, Superman was still Superboy then. After he died fighting Doomsday, a monster filled with rage and hate, I was cloned from his aura, and given the same powers he had, but most of them faded away, but I still fly, am impervious to most anything, and I use telekinesis for flying, stopping bullets, and self defense, but I use these powers to help others."

LJ: Um, no. Superboy used his one power, tactile telekinesis, to emulate Superman's powers. After the retcon that made Lex Luthor his other daddy, he started to get regular Kryptonian powers.

Caroline: "A monster filled with rage and hate?" As opposed to what? A monster filled with sunshine and kittens? 

LJ: Also, he was cloned from Supes' DNA. Not his aura. 

"Good, then I can count on you being a fellow hero." "Luke, what is that weapon on your belt?" "It's called a lightsaber, Superboy, haven't you seen Star Wars before?"

Caroline: I'd think he would've. From what I know about him, he was quite the pop culture kid.

LJ: I always got the impression Kon was more of a Trekkie.

Superman says. "No, can't say I have, where'd you come from "Dad"?"

LJ: Gah! When'd he get here? There is nothing to indicate he just arrived or was already there! 

"From Metropolis, to look for you, Lois and I wanted to invite you to dinner, and Luke, it's good to see you again, you may join us if you like."

Caroline: Real people don't talk like this.

"Thanks, Clark, I'm famished."

LJ: Yeah, that giant government program that he worked for probably didn't feed him at all.

So, all three men flew to the home of Lois Lane and Clark Kent, for dinner.

Caroline: Wait, since when could Luke fly? 

Lois was surprised to see that they had another guest, which was fine, since she recognized Luke Skywalker, the famous Jedi Knight, from the future, from what Clark told her as they were to be giving birth to their first child in eight weeks.

Caroline: If Lois was seven months pregnant, she would know. It's kinda hard to miss. Also, NOT FROM THE FUTURE. 

"Lois, from what Clark here told me, he's right, you are beautiful, and congratulations on the child. Would you both like to know what it will be, or wait till the birth?"

LJ: I'm pretty sure they would know. Again.

At the same time, Lois and Clark said, "we want to know!" "It's a girl", Luke said, using the Force to see inside the womb.

LJ (dryly): Gosh, if only Superman had a power that let him see inside things.

Caroline: I hate when authors have multiple characters chorus in to say the same thing.  It's so un-natural.

"Luke, would you be able to telepathically teach our daughter the ways of the Force and of the Jedi?" Clark asked, curious.

Caroline: Why would Clark ask this? This baby is probably going to have super-powers coming out of its butt. 

"yes, but I must warn you, you may have difficulties raising her with these gifts that I will bestow her." "We understand." "When she is older, she may need a lightsaber like mine, to defend herself, in that time, she may need to come to the future, to train and learn from me and other Jedi Knights, who are instructors at the Academy I set up to train future Jedi."

LJ: This baby has Superman as her father. There are very few people who could threaten her, period.

"May I learn from you as well, Luke?"

Caroline: Who said this? I can't tell. 

"yes, but are there any others like you, Kon?" Just Linda Danvers, who goes by Supergirl when she's saving people, she has telekinetic powers as well, but she is from a pocket universe, and a clone of this universe's Lana Lang, Dad's friend from his childhood, Oops, I said too much."

LJ: *incomprehensible with rage*

Caroline: I don't know a lot about comics, but-

LJ: *INCOMPREHENSIBLE RAGE*

Caroline: Yikes.

Clark's jaw dropped in shock when he heard this. "You are Luke Skywalker, I presume", Supergirl said, floating in the air outside Lois and Clark's kitchen window. "yes, I am, and you must be Linda, the other Super teen I was told about by Kon- el", pointing to Superboy. "I would love to learn from you, Master Skywalker."

Caroline: You know, it really bothers me that nobody arrives in this fic. They're just sort of there all of the sudden. 

LJ: Kon met Linda, like, twice. Once when he was possessed. I think Superman would know about this first.

Oh crap, it's about to get bad. Feel free to skim, folks.


Linda stunned everybody when she said that, leaving the room with everyone with their mouths hanging open in shock. A minute later, she returned, wearing jeans, a green denim shirt, blue tennis shoes and a pair of white socks, but underneath was her Supergirl costume, and Linda had brown hair and brown eyes, whereas, her alter ego had blond hair and blue eyes. When Linda saw everyone staring at her, she said "What?" in mock curiosity. Superman, as Clark, walked over to her and asked, why didn't you tell me?" "I was afraid to, Clark, I was afraid that you'd be mad at me for co-opting with a human, but that was a freak accident. It all happened one night, when I went to stop a satanic ritual sacrifice, at the request of Linda's parents, but when I got there, I was too late, the ritual had already begun, and Linda lay burning on the ground, so I went to help her, but when I joined my hands with hers, our bodies and conciousnesses merged, becoming one, after that, I told ma and pa everything about that night, but not you, I was afraid to. Do you understand that, Clark?" "I do, and I'm glad you finally did, because, like you said, it was a freak accident, nothing more, nothing less." "Oh Clark, I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, I feel like I let you down."

Caroline: Ow, my head.

LJ: This was complicated enough when it was actually happening. This summary makes it so much worse.

crying as she hugged him, and he put his right hand on her head, comforting her. "It's alright, I'm here now, let it all out, and, you didn't let me down, I'm sorry you were afraid of me, I should have asked you what was wrong." "Oh Clark, thank you, I love you like a sister loves her brother, and, you'll always be a brother to me." "Thank you Linda, now look what you did, you made me cry too." "And us as well", said Luke.

Caroline: Wow, you can really feel all of the emotion in this scene.

Everyone in the room started laughing, enjoying one another, having a good time.

LJ: Hah hah, you stole a drug addict's soul to keep her from dying! Hilarious! 

"Now, Kon, Linda, time to begin your training as Jedi Knights, you too, little one", Luke told the unborn child in Lois' womb telepathically.

Caroline: Because you know what can totally understand telepathy? Fetuses.  

"The first lessons a Jedi cadet learns are: Jedi use the Force for good, and not the dark side of the Force. There is no try, only do, believe in yourself and in the Force and you will succeed, and lastly, a Jedi uses the Force to defend, not to attack or oppress.

LJ: He's just throwing Jedi lessons here. Right in Lois and Clark's apartment.

The first exercise is for you to do your best and lift things with your mind, and concentrate on keeping the object in the air. Linda, you go first." "Ok, what shall I pick up in this room?" "How about the couch?" Lois asks. "ok, here I go." Linda starts to concentrate on lifting the couch, and the couch starts lifting off the ground, with Lois and Clark on it, and hovering twenty feet off the ground, surprising both Lois and Clark with how easily she did it, even Luke was surprised.

LJ: It. Is. Her. SUPER POWER. She isn't using the Force, she's using a super power she already has!

Caroline: I think we might be over-using angry periods.

Superboy wasn't surprised however, he had witness this same feat before, many times, rescuing others from danger.

LJ: See, Kon knows she's not using the Force.

Luke then said "very good Linda, now, Kon, it's your turn, lift the four of us into the air on the couch, while at the same time, lifting the coffee table as well." Okay, here goes nothing", cracking his knuckles as he concentrates on lifting the couch and coffee table at the same time. Luke, as well as everyone else was surprised how easily he did it, as if he practiced it everyday.

LJ: Because he does. While fighting crime!

Caroline: It really bothers me that they are using super powers in plain sight. Way to keep Clark's identity secret, guys.

"Good, now I see no reason to start your lightsaber training you two, you both seem ready for it. Clark, hand me that box, will you please?" Luke said. "Sure, hold on" Superman, as Clark said as he flew over to the box holding the parts necessary to build two lightsabers, then handing it to Luke.

Caroline: Wait, he sees no reason to start lightsaber training, so he's going to give them light sabers?

Luke then took the box, and opened it, revealing the parts for the construction of the two lightsabers, that Kon-el and Linda will use in self defense and defending others from harm. When the two Jedi students saw what was in the box, they smiled, with a wide grin on their faces. They immediately took out the parts and set them down on a workbench out in the garage where Lois' Jeep Cherokee was, then left them in their own sections as they went out in search of the crystals they wanted for their lightsabers.

LJ: Wait, they have a house? They had an apartment! They still have an apartment! They have always just had an apartment!

Linda, as Supergirl found a Diamond for hers in a canyon outside a mine in California, and Kon-el (Superboy) found a Topaz crystal for his in a canyon somewhere out east, they then flew back to the garage at superspeed, and began construction on their lightsabers, which didn't take them long, only a few hours, seeing as how they're superhuman.

Caroline: Multiple sentences are awesome. This author should use them

Luke was impressed with the speed at which they built their lightsabers and the crystals that they used for their lightsaber blades. He then begain their training on how and when to use them, and also why. They learned quicker than Luke expected, surprising him, then having them practice dueling with their lightsabers, teaching them to look for ways to defeat their opponent without killing them.

LJ: They're already pretty good at that. Being experienced superheroes and all.

Finally, Linda ended up being the victor in the practice duel, which didn't matter to her if she won, it was only practice, nothing more, nothing less. "Kal, I will need to bring these two back with me to the future, the future depends on it, don't worry, I'll bring them back." "Ok, Luke, do what you must, but bring them back unharmed" Superman, as Clark said. "Kal? as in Kal-el, Last Son of Krypton?" Superboy asked. "Yes, Kon-el, but I only want the world to know me as Superman when I'm needed, and as Clark Kent, Ace reporter for the Daily Planet, when I'm working."

LJ: Okay. Now I'm mad. Kon knew Clark as Kal. When Clark gave him the name Kon-el, it was to show him that they were part of the same family. That he had a place in the world. Kal and Kon, upholding the house of El. 

Clark, why didn't you tell us?" Linda asked, curious. "For the same reason you never told me you co-opted a human's life and body. I was afraid to. I was afraid because if anybody knew who I really was, they could come after Lois or OUR adopted parents, to get to me.

Caroline: They wouldn't be able to track him down as Kal-El, only as Clark Kent. 

Now you know why I was afraid to let anyone know, even you two, because you two could've been a target for some thug who has a grudge on me. And Kon-el, even though you were cloned from my aura, you're like a brother to me, in more ways then one. It's as if when I look at you like I look in a mirror, I see myself, only younger, and boy, do I need a younger self, badly." "Gee, thanks, big brother, I think."

LJ: What the hell? Kon called him Dad further up in the fic! Why switch now?

"What about me Clark? What am I to you?" "You remind me of my cousin Kara, who died fighting for peace on the infinite number of Earths in the alternate universe, you look so much like her, in so many ways."

LJ: WHAT THE HELL? You don't remember her sacrifice! Nobody does! That's what made it so sad! She gave her life and NOBODY REMEMBERED HER!

Just then, all of a sudden, there was a knock on the front door, and Clark got the shock of his life when he saw who was standing in the doorway , for it was Kara, his cousin,in a bikini version of her old Supergirl uniform. Clark's jaw dropped as he saw what his cousin was wearing,

Caroline: Interrupting mid-sentence just to say ew.

and from seeing her alive. "Hi, Clark, good to see you again, well, aren't you gonna invite your cousin in?" Clark looked at her and nodded his head yes, as his face went white from the shock of seeing his cousin alive, again. Kara looked the same age she did when she died fifteen years ago. That was when Lois and the others approached them, also in shock, because they saw what had taken place. Kara then said, "I'll explain things later, right now, I'm hungry."

Caroline: Willing to bet that this never comes up again.

LJ: Ignore me. I'll be crying in my sock drawer.

Clark then scrounged around in the kitchen, looking for food that Kara would want to eat, and he found some southwestern beef flavored Hamburger Helper he hadn't made yet, so he made it in a flash, hurrying so Kara wouldn't be so hungry.

Caroline: Why is everyone so hungry in this fic?

When Kara was finished eating, she explained everything to them by saying "The reason I'm alive is because of Lex Luthor, he had some of his men to dig up my grave and bring my body to his research laboratory, where his scientists injected my body with some sort of serum that revived my dead body, and gave me back my life by making this version of my old costume, but without a cape. Instead of the old red boots, he gave me these yellow ones with the blue pin stripe at the top of them, do you like them?"

Caroline: Guess I was wrong about the explanation. It happened. It was just stupid. LJ, wanna weigh in?

LJ: Nope. Crying. Sock drawer.

"Yeah, but I like you better in the old duds, you can keep the boots though, they're cool looking." "Great! now, would one of you like to help me design a new costume that will match my new boots ?" "I will" said Kon-el, since we're cousins, sort of, right, big guy?"

Caroline: Why is everyone so casual? This seems like it would be a big deal. 

"Yeah, can Kara and I have some time alone? we need to catch up." "Sure", Lois said as she ushered the others back into the livingroom, to eat and enjoy each other's company as Clark told his cousin what happened for the past fifteen years. When they were done, Kara said, "Wow, a lot has happened since I died, no wonder you looked at me like you did when I showed up."

Caroline: I think coming back from the dead is pretty shocking.


"Yeah, well, I guess I shouldn't haven't been too shocked, after all, I rose from the dead as well." An hour later, Luke, Linda, and Superboy all left for the future, to save the new rebellion, and the future of mankind.

Caroline: Oh good, this should be interesting. LJ?
 
Two moths later, Linda and Superboy return, unharmed and intact, and Luke had let them keep their lightsabers as a gift to each of them. As they ate dinner, Linda told them what had happened and how many brave people died in the attack by the Empire, including Luke, who had died trying to save his son Leo and his wife, Mara Jade from the Emperor and his army of armed stormtroopers, but only Leo made it alive. Clark felt the loss as if he too were connected to the Force, and knew that Leo would need a friend to lean on, so he sent Kon-el back to the future to help Leo train to be a Jedi Knight.

Caroline: ...for serious? For serious?! They skip over the ONE part of this that could've been cool!? That's insane! 

 
The end, for now....look for part 2, Star wars: Son of Skywalker, coming soon....

Caroline: Thanks, but no thanks. LJ? You about done with the pathetic sobbing thing?

LJ: ...okay. Just gotta put this out there. Amanda Summers may have been a terrible Sue, but at least she was fun to spork. When I got angry at her, it was clean anger. Healthy anger. This? This is just bad. Bad. Bad bad bad bad bad-

Caroline: *slaps*

LJ: Ow! Thanks.
 

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