The Naga Eyes Mission
      Okay, just putting this out there. I rushed this. I've spent most of this summer preparing for my semester in Italy, so I didn't do  the amount of research I usually do. It bothered me, but I thought I might as well put it out there. Agent Penguin, I'm sorry for whatever you find lacking.

                “Nope. Nope. No. Damn it.” Caroline was digging through a pile of weapons, searching in an increasingly futile attempt to find the one that would make her complete. She was vaguely aware that there was an armory of some sort in the HQ, but this did not appear to be it. It was more like a second-hand store for used weapons run by a pack of apathetic teenagers. There was no sense of order, no organization whatsoever. It was enough to make her cry. About a month had passed since her first mission. She and her partner had gone on a fairly routine job, ridding the Buffy-verse of a standard Spike-crazed Sue. During this mission, however, her partner LJ had damaged a fairly important piece of equipment and had been taken away. She had been informed that the boy was simply getting a harsh “talking to”, but given the sort of people she worked for, Caroline couldn't help worrying about her partner. She was also somewhat disturbed by how difficult it was for her to handle Spike. Sure, he was a vampire, but even on her worst day she was strong enough to pick up a car. (Well, a VW Bug. But still.) LJ was the brains on their missions, he shouldn't have been forced to face the Sue by himself. Of course, if she found her weapon, then he'd never have to worry ever again.
            “Hello? Caroline?” A woman entered the room and Caroline leapt to her feet with an astonishing lack of grace. Grabbing the nearest weapon, she hurled it at the strange woman with all of her considerable might. The woman calmly tilted her head out of the way and the weapon (a strangely aerodynamic ray gun) embedded itself into the wall behind her. “Sue!” Caroline growled, preparing to rush at the woman.
              “Jadis in a block of ice, no! Not a Sue. I'm Agent Tadkeeta Penguin. I've been sent here to do a mission with you.” Tadkeeta looked more than a little miffed. She had the aggressively pretty features of a Sue, but lacked the demeanor and general aura that Sues tended to carry. Dark hair. Pretty eyes. Soft features. She looked younger, but it was hard to tell what age anyone really was around here. Shorter than Caroline, but much more feminine. (Not that that was saying much. LJ was more feminine than Caroline and he was a guy.) The agent seemed fairly annoyed, truth be told, like she had been pulled away from something she'd rather be doing. Caroline relaxed. “Oh. Sorry about that.” She gestured vaguely to the ray gun in the wall. “It's just, well, you're very pretty. Very pretty. Suspiciously pretty.”
Tadkeeta smirked. “Someday, being suspiciously pretty will stop being grounds for being attacked. Until then, I'll dodge.” She nodded at the wall. “You've got a good arm. I'm glad to see I've got someone who can take care of herself on this one.” Again, she had somewhat of a strained tone. If she had to guess, Caroline would say that Tadkeeta was used to working with someone else too. At least they'd both be equally uncomfortable. Caroline held out her hand and the two shared a very awkward handshake. Already she missed LJ. The two of them had spent a lot of together, doing MSTs and general research. She was a lot older than him, but they had similar interests. It helped bridge the gap between them. It helped her miss her old life less.
               “Your partner's fine. If you were wondering.” Tadkeeta's business-like tone had soften a bit when she noticed Caroline's downtrodden expression. A few years on the job and you get a good feel for what agents are thinking. “I'm away from my normal people too. They can annoy me like nobody else, but being apart is difficult. It's easy to forget how much you'll miss certain people.” Tadkeeta resumed her clipped tone. “We'll be covering Naga Eyes. It's a sordid little tale that comes straight from Voreland. Deals with the Kingdom Hearts universe. Are you familiar with it?”
               “Um, sort of? I'm not an expert or anything? I'm mostly a Buffy-verse person. When I'm in unfamiliar universe, I usually just punch people and stomp on things.” Tadkeeta cocked an eyebrow. “I'm pretty good at punching and stomping.” Nodding, Tadkeeta tossed Caroline a knapsack full of basic tech. “That's alright. I have enough knowledge to do this myself. The extra muscle always seems to come in handy.”

               Everything was simple,
everything was known and perfect and filtered through thick beams of sunny light that shown through the thick cloud of leaves overhead.
All you had to worry about was whether or not the moon would be shining at night, perfect for a midnight stroll and picking up stray seashells that had yet to be enveloped in the approaching tide waters.

                The Words echoed loudly around them. The island was beautiful. Caroline was captivated, but Tadkeeta was staying fairly blasé. She had been to many worlds, seen the wonders of space, explored Narnia and the isles. This was less than impressive to her. Caroline, on the other hand...
               “Damn! Look at this place! It's amazing!” She spread her arms out and spun in a circle, doing an odd emulation of Maria Von Trapp. It was a tropical paradise, that was for sure. The landscape was tinted slightly purple, a side effect of the overwrought language describing the place, but that didn't detract from its beauty. “I'm wicked used to Sunnydale, y'know? Dark alleys, dark graveyards, dark everything! I could get used to doing missions in places like this! Just stomp a Sue or two and then relax on the beach with a cold one and waste the day away!” Tadkeeta grasped her firmly on the shoulders, stopping her midspin. The expression on her face was dead serious. “This is not a game. This is not a vacation. We will be in real danger and getting killed right before retiring is painfully cliche. If you are not with me a hundred percent here, I will beat you down myself and drag you back to HQ. Got it?” It was then that Caroline had realized how her partner had changed. Back in the HQ, she had been shorter than Caroline, but now she was much taller. This was probably due to the fact that she was a centaur. Caroline felt a pang that she hadn't felt since she was eight, when her parents drove her by Peddleburg Horse Ranch on the way to cello practice.
                Tadkeeta pointed to a group of young teenagers. “There they are. Stay quiet. My head's pounding already and we've barely started. Lose your boots.” Caroline tilted her head and Tadkeeta sighed. “You'll need to ride me at some point and I don't like shoes.” Nodding, Caroline removed her boots and put them in the knapsack. She couldn't stop grinning. She hadn't been horseback riding in a while and even under these circumstances, the prospect excited her. The teens were a far distance away, but she could hear their shrill voices arguing. The short brunet, Sora, had depression dripping from his every word, leaking onto the sand and dying it black. The CAD sprang to life. [Sora/Kingdom Hearts/OOC:42% /rising!] Tadkeeta flipped a switch and banged it on the side. The machine went quiet. Caroline took down the violations. “Making a character emo, with violent intentions. Got it.” The other teenagers left, leaving the main character by himself. The boy got on a boat and pushed off, leaving the agents behind.
                “Flaming Denethor, come on! We've got to hurry!” Caroline hoisted herself onto her partner's back just as she took off, leaving dust in her wake. Sora was in a boat, then he took off running as the scenery turned to an odd mash-up up of angry sea and twisted forest, with a dash of gnarled beach thrown in for the hell of it. The sea washed out of the confusing mess of a scene as the agents chased after the severely distorted main character. Tadkeeta normally loved running as a centaur; it made her feel powerful, it took her away from her thoughts and worries. She could lose herself in the pure thrill of the run. Here, it was a near impossibility, as the confused nature of the Words made the ground unstable, causing her to be in an almost constant state of losing her footing.
                “Oof!” The two stopped dead in their tracks as the scene went sharply into focus. Dismounting as gracefully as she could, Caroline peered through the newly established forest into a clearing. There sat Sora, surrounded by the coils of a bored looking naga. Silver hair. Haughty expression. “Bingo, we have our Riku,” stated Caroline. “Do we go now? It seems like turning one of the mains into a snake dude is enough of violation to end this fic.”
                 “No. Not yet. The vore is the clincher. Naga Riku stories are a dime-a-dozen. We have to wait a little longer.” Tadkeeta sounded a little unsure. She wanted this over sooner rather than later, but waiting for more violations was the responsible thing to do. After all, she wanted her retirement to go as smoothly as possible. The whole thing made her sick, though. The violation of what was about to happen. Knowing it didn't make it better. Unfortunately, the naga had chosen to lecture Sora at length about how superior nagas were to humans, livening up the lecture by intermittently licking and caressing the boy. Caroline couldn't stop staring, her mouth slightly agape. It was so. Freaking. Weird. “Okay, just putting this out there. There is nothing in the Buffyverse half as weird as this. Seriously. Drusilla at her craziest had nothing on these two!”
                 Tadkeeta growled, a harsh, guttural sound that came seemingly out of nowhere. Caroline turned to her as Tadkeeta began to speak. “I hate this. I don't get it! It's just so disgusting! So sick! How could anyone possibly enjoy this garbage! Vore is disgusting!” Caroline tilted her head to the side. It was odd to see her temporary partner being this angry. Maybe this meant that Tadkeeta was feeling more comfortable around her. Maybe she was more emotional around people she more familiar with.
                “I don't know. I think I get it. At the core, I mean..” Caroline paused as the naga opened it's mouth, looking like it was going to lunge, but it was merely taking a break. Soon, the blathering about naga superiority continued. Caroline started talking again. “I was a god. Briefly, mind you, but still. And one of the few things I did as a god was make love to my girlfriend. When we were together, I had her in my power. Completely and totally. And it was amazing. In that moment, she was mine entirely, body and soul. Nothing could hurt her. Nobody could touch her. She was entirely mine.” Caroline grinned, running her fingers through her hair. “I guess that's why vore doesn't bother me. At the core, it seems like it's all about protecting the person you love from the world.” She looked away from Tadkeeta, who had an unreadable expression on her face. “Of course, on my home world it isn't even possible. That probably helps distance me from the squick.”
                “I think Riku would argue with your assessment.” Tadkeeta pointed at the pair as Riku inhaled Sora's arm, his throat bulging unnaturally. Sora was crying as his body shifted to match the increasingly differing adjectives swirling around him. Caroline winced. “Okay, this is starting to get a little rape-y,” she muttered. Riku began to tear off Sora's clothes and coil tightly around the boy, all while continuing his inane rambling. “Okay, a lot rape-y.”
Tadkeeta burst from the trees, charging the naga. “What happened to waiting for more violations?” Caroline called after the retreating centaur.
                  “F*** WAITING!” Tadkeeta stomped on part of the naga's midsection. “Naga Riku, I charge you with making a hero into an emo baby, turning a main character into a naga, not understanding how a snake works, twisting everyone OOC, and being a M*****F***ING RAPING MURDERER PIECE OF S***!” Backhanding Riku in the face, she forced his coils open and Sora fell onto the ground. “Guess I'm not the only one packing muscles. And rage issues.” Caroline kneeled down next to Sora. “Hey, kid. You okay?” The boy nodded. “Good.” Caroline socked him in the face, knocking him unconscious.
                  “Foolish humans, you will never understand the might of the-” Riku was interrupted as Tadkeeta drove a hoof into his groin. Flailing about the naga's face with her fists, she continued to grind his groin under her hooves. The snake hissed in pain and Caroline ran over to help. “What can I do to help? The kid went out like a light. Little guy was twisted into a scrawny wimp.” Riku shoved Tadkeeta back, knocking her off his body. She turned to Caroline. “You go high, I go low! NOW!” Caroline dived at Riku, pinning his torso to the ground, while Tadkeeta held his lower half. “What now?” Caroline yelled at Tadkeeta over her shoulder.
                   “The bag! There's a copy of the game! It's steel plated!” Tadkeeta reached into the bag and tossed a copy of the game to Caroline. Grinning, Caroline bashed Riku in the face. Over. And over. And over. Finally, he fell to the ground, bloody and broken, but human. Tadkeeta pulled Caroline off of him and the two of them stood over him, breathing heavily. After a short break, during which a massive amount of Bleeprin was consumed, they dragged the unconscious bodies of Riku and Sora back onto the island. Back behind them, the tangle of land still loomed. A snake tail was at the center of the tangle, limp and flaccid. Caroline turned to Tadkeeta. “Don't those things usually revert back after we take out the main source of canon violations? What are we supposed to do about all of this?” Tadkeeta said nothing. A smile spread across her face, big and bright.

                      There was a fire that burned a part of the story clean off. Oddly enough, nobody seemed to want to investigate.
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