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Shrek-tastic MST 2, Electric Bugaloo

Kit, Puss, and Donkey were back outside in the Academy grounds.

Caroline: Oh goodie, they're back.

"Okay, there's a million students here and only one of them is Arthur Pendragon." said Kit, looking around to see if there was someone sensible who they could ask the whereabouts of Arthur.

LJ: Why didn't she ask the headmaster? She was just in his office and had just given him a bunch of money. Seriously.

She suddenly noticed some boys sitting on a bench playing a dungeon and dragons board game. Kit walked up to them, trying to half-close her eyes so that they wouldn't easily see her yellow irises.

LJ: Once more. There people live in a world with magic, monsters, and pop music. Your eye color isn't that special.

"Uh, hi. I'm looking for someone named Arthur Pendragon." she said.

Caroline: Okay. Gonna say my piece. Ums and ahs make dialogue more realistic, yes. But they are very annoying and throw you out of the moment. That's why authors tend to avoid them. If you're using them to establish your character as shy, they aren't working.

"Huh? Why would you want to talk to him?" asked one of the boys.

"Oh, nothing much. I just have some business I have to sort out with him."

LJ: my pants!

Caroline: *smacks*

"Well, he's over there." said the other boy, pointing to a jousting field.


Caroline: Wait. This was in the movie. SHE'S RIPPING STRAIGHT FROM THE MOVIE.

A/N: Oh, by the way, Kit is not at the Academy to take Arthur to Far Far Away, so that he can be king. So, why Kit does want him?... Let's find out...

LJ: Because letting us find this out by reading the story would just be stupid. So stupid.

Kit and her two friends entered the jousting field and saw a jouster dressed in full chainmail armor and riding on a powerful-looking horse. The jouster picked up his lance which was originally being held by one of the students surrounding him proudly.


LJ: Yelling doesn't equal funny, Caroline.

Caroline: *smacks*

LJ: Violence doesn't equal funny either.

Caroline: *raises hand*

LJ: *cowers*

The horse reared up and began to charge at what looked like a combat dummy on a wooden horse. It was only when the combat dummy flinched that Kit realised that it was a person wearing padded armor and a bucket helmet.

LJ:...this isn't fanfiction. She's just ripping movie scenes.

Caroline: Want to yell now?

The jouster finally reached his opponent and knocked him several feet into the air with his lance. The padded guy with the bucket helmet fell just a few feet in front of Kit with a loud thud.

Caroline: Drooling, she tore off her clothes and leapt upon the helpless boy, ravaging him with her burning lust for a fictional teenager.

"Ha-ha! There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory!" shouted the winner. The students watching him laughed and cheered.

LJ: Seriously, a lot of the lines from the movie sound so much grosser in fan fiction. The use of the word tongue usually does it.

"So this is Arthur." said Kit, beginning to walk towards him. "Look at him, strong, handsome, face of a leader. I'm not surprised that he's royalty."

Caroline: What? The Sue is gonna make the same mistake that smelly ogre did? Unheard of!

Kit was not paying attention to where she was going, so she was very surprised when she felt her foot step on something.

LJ: Was it the last bit of credibility this fic had?


Kit looked down to where the ow came from. "Oh! Sorry!" She had accidentally stepped on the padded armored boy's arm. He looked very lean and a bit scrawny, and most of his face was covered by his helmet.

Caroline: Betcha lean and scrawny will become lean and sinewy if she falls for him.

"Did you just say you were looking for Arthur?" asked the boy.

LJ: No. I don't think she did.

Caroline: She asked some boys on campus, but there was no way Arthur heard that.

Kit stepped over him while Puss said "That information is on a need-to-know basis."

"It's top secret! Hushity-hush!" added Donkey.

Caroline: My god. For a second there I almost thought I saw something original. Must've just had dust in my eye.

"Now, gentlemen, let's away." said the jouster, getting off his horse.

Kit walked up to him. "Greetings, Your Majesty. I need you to-"

Caroline: -suck my dick!

LJ: What the hell!?

Caroline: If she won't be original, then I will be.

The jouster interrupted her. "So, what are you supposed to be? Some kind of human-cat mutant or or something?" he laughed, grinning to his friends. They started laughing too.

LJ: Should've have asked for originality. Look what you got.

Kit cringed at this. She realized that she had forgotten to hide her yellow eyes.

Caroline: Oh, I get it. She has jaundice.

Kit was beginning to not like this guy. "Ha-ha, cat mutant. You made a funny." she said, sarcastically. She suddenly grabbed him by the collar of his armor and started to drag him across the field.

Caroline: Lancelot is a big guy. Unless this chick has super strength...

LJ: Of course she has super strength. She's part cat. All cats have super strength.

"Unhand me!" he yelled.

"Just stop squirming, Arthur."

Caroline: She'll be saying that a lot later.

"I'm not Arthur."

Kit turned and looked at him. "What?"

LJ: Say, what!

Caroline: Please never do that again, elf boy.

"I... am Lancelot," he said proudly. "That dork over there is Arthur."

LJ: I... am so bored, I want to claw my eyes out.

Kit looked to where he was pointing to. She saw the spot where the boy in the bucket helmet was, but now all that was left was the padded armor and the helmet.

Caroline: He had been devoured by a dragon. This was a preferable fate to the one you had planned.

Kit quickly looked around, searching with her eyes for the boy. Then she spotted the scrawny boy running towards the archway leading out of the field. Kit still couldn't see his face clearly, because the boy was under the shade.

LJ: I'd assume he wasn't facing her as he ran. Why would he run anyway? Oh no, an attractive girl is after me!

"Hey! Wait!" she called out, quickly dropping Lancelot from her grip and running after him. Stupid! she thought, referring more to herself than to Lancelot. After all, wouldn't she, of all people, know not to judge a person by their appearance?

Caroline: Because having vaguely unusual eyes is totally akin to being an ogre.

Kit stopped, suddenly noticeing a strange figure out of the corner of her eye. It was a young lady about 18 years old with very long black hair that went to her waist.

Caroline: Oh my god.

LJ: Oh my god.

Both: We're getting our first Scary! Yay!

She was wearing a black shirt, a black belt, boots, gloves, a pair of black shorts similar to Kits and also had a gray headband around her head. Unlike Kit's eyes, this figure had orange irises with cat-like slits for pupils.

LJ: More clothing information. Way to keep the flow of the story.

The Stranger was standing in the shadow of an Academy wall, hidden to everyone else but Kit, Donkey, and Puss.

Caroline: 'cause of all the black? I don't get why she would be invisible to to the rest of the world.

She was now staring directly at Kit, giving her a small smirk. Kit, knowing who this character was, nodded without smiling. Puss and Donkey did the same.

LJ: Character? This just got meta.

"I know..." Kit whispered, solemnly, "I know."

Caroline: What? What do you know!?

LJ: Apparently not how to end a chapter.


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